Eight Steps to a Successful Morning Routine (That Will Also Summon an Ancient God)

Start your day the right way (by opening a dimensional rift)

Photo by Casey Horner on Unsplash

There’s no sense in lying about it — mornings are hard. But we need to accept that successful people are also morning people.

Don’t despair if you’re one of those people who hates rising before noon and can’t be approached before you’ve chugged at least one coffee. Here’s a morning routine that is guaranteed to set you up for a successful day (and will also summon an ancient god from a dimension of unspeakable horror).

1. Get up at dawn. I know it’s difficult but seeing the sunrise will really set you up for a day of hitting goals.
2. Don’t just sit there and stare at the sun, though. Dawn is a great time to meditate or do some yoga. Really get the blood flowing!
3. Complete your most difficult task first. Have an email you’re really dreading writing? A tricky conversation you’ve been putting off? Do it right away — you won’t have time to procrastinate and make excuses, and anything else the day throws at you will seem easy by comparison.
4. Draw a pentagram on the floor in readiness for the coming of Al-Tun, the Ancient One, the World-Eater.
5. Try to avoid coffee, if…