Nation’s Children Unprepared for Dystopian Future
In a stark warning to parents and children around the country, the Education Secretary has argued that the nation’s children are “woefully unprepared” for the dystopian future to come.
In a broad-ranging speech, he opined that while teaching at least basic English and Maths was “broadly desirable,” there would be “no need for long-division when the entire monetary system, and by extension society as a whole, has collapsed”.
He suggested that there was too much “red tape and waste” the current curriculum, adding that schools should prepare children for the coming horrors via repeating viewings of the Mad Max trilogy in Media lessons and class readings of Cormac McCarthy’s bleak post-apocalyptic novel The Road during English Literature.
He also argued for the abolition of Technology classes, with a second Dark Ages just around the corner, planning instead to replace it with lessons in foraging and basic hunter-gatherer behaviour. Physical Education lessons, he said, should be mainly concerned with weight-lifting, running and hiding, as what passes for society in the future will doubtless be a murderous free-for-all where only the strongest or quickest will survive.
He ended his speech by commenting that he felt the time was right for the Conservative government to point out how unprepared we as a country are for the coming horrors of tomorrow.
“We have always positioned ourselves as the party of the future, and we need to address what kind of future that will be — we have a duty to make sure our children are as prepared as they can be for the living hell they will have to endure. Thankfully, we intend to put measures in place to allow the nation’s children to eke out a flimsy, terrified existence as society crumbles around them”.
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